you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
