Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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