Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
