Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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