are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
