i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
