shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
