I think my vagina is haunted
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
