we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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