i jhust puked up my retainher.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
