I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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