The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
