I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
