You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
