Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
