I swear god or herbie drove my car home
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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