How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
