Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love you. Go after that dick
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
