Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
