did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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