You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
