She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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