I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
