he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
