I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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