I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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