WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
