Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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