i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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