i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
