I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
