You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
