Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
