It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
