he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I need to stop coming to work sober
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
