I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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