WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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