Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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