I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
