you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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