i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
