I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
