So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
