he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
