If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
