Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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