i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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