I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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