FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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