And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she pinky promised me she was 18
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
