Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
